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Changing Lives, Changing Feelings
Here’s a story I’ve heard time and time again. A newly engaged bride calls home to share the good news with her family - which they may or may not have already heard from the fiancé. And everyone wishes her well. But she senses some hesitation, maybe even sadness in the voice of her father. And she finds that sadness disappointing and even hurtful.
If this rings true for you, you’re not alone. And in fact, mixed feelings on the part of your parents are perfectly normally. You see, until now the word “family” has probably always meant your nuclear and/or extended family. And now the word family will have a different meaning. Your nuclear family will become you and your fiancé. And that may have some very real consequences for your parents and siblings. It may mean that you aren’t home for every Christmas anymore - only every other Christmas. And it will probably mean that for the first time in the life of your family, you will consider the needs of another person - your new husband - as equal to or even more important than theirs. From this vantage point, you can see how they may approach the event with a sense of trepidation.
Additionally, your dad may be worrying about being replaced. Maybe you turned to him for advice on career, education or even just getting your car repaired. He may be wondering, “will she still call?” “Will she still need me?”
Here’s my advice. First, forgive them for not being as gleefully ecstatic as you are. Your marriage means changes for your whole family. Allow them to indulge in a little sadness and nostalgia. Second, reassure them. Tell your dad that your fiancé knows nothing about cars, so now the two of you are going to need twice the help. Whatever it is, let him know that he’s still important and very much needed. That will go a long way towards making him feel better. And once he stops worrying about change, he’ll be able to really focus on being truly happy for you.
NEXT: Always his Little Girl...
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